TO HAVE REAL LASTING, ENDURING, GENUINE LOVE IT MUST BE BASED UPON A MORE ENDURING FOUNDATION THAN MERE FLESHLY GRATIFICATION. It must bear unselfish innate desire to protect and help and to make someone else happy.--And there definitely must be measure of admiration for finer qualities than mere physical beauty! A man can be in love with a woman's mind, or he can be in love with her sentiments. He can be in love with her spiritual reactions, he can be in love with her emotional companionship, all of which have little or nothing to do with her physical body and their sex life! These definitely have at least 90% more to do with love than pure physical sex or sexual gratification.
REAL LOVE IS A SPIRITUAL THING. IT'S NOT MERELY PHYSICAL but it is also manifested in the physical but not in a mere jump-on-jump-off relationship! It's mostly manifested in the spiritual and mental companionship and compatibility of likes and dislikes and things and habits a that you have in common. Even the few things you don't have in common can sometimes be interesting and amusing. For example, your interest in clothing sort of tickles me, and to watch you put on your little style shows really interests me, because I know you enjoy it and you do it to please me, although clothes never have interested me much, or how I looked. As long as I look clean and neat, clothes are not really of any particular importance to me, simply for the reason that I have always had a contempt for people who put great stress on outward appearance. But I'm usually soul-searching instead, and I often meet people whose eyes and faces I search deeply and with intense scrutiny, but I couldn't have told you five minutes later what they were wearing!--But I might have been able to tell you what they were thinking and what their character was like, 'cause I may have really looked closely and deeply into their heart!
I CONFESS I ALSO FREQUENTLY EXAMINE THE BODIES OF WOMEN, because of course I'm a man, and a woman's physical and sexual attributes are naturally appealing to me. God's created beauty is a thing He's made very attractive to the human eye, which is why He made them that way, so that women would appeal to us more, and we would want to have them. It's like the wife said when asked by her husband why women were so "beautiful but dumb":--"Beautiful enough for you men to want to marry us, and dumb enough to marry you!" Otherwise the normal functions of sex for the sake of procreation and preservation of the human race would seem quite a chore and just plain hard work, perhaps even unpleasant work! But all of the things which God has made to be necessary to our existence, such as eating, sleeping, exercise and sexual intercourse, things which He has made necessary to human existence and the survival of the human race, these things which people must do in order to survive, He's made very pleasant and enjoyable and sometimes very exciting!
Of COURSE, SINCE TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS BAD, and you can have even too much of a good thing, He's made these fleshly necessities to cloy when you have had a sufficiency. He makes it very pleasant and satisfying to eat when you're hungry, but when you've had enough He makes the sight of food virtually sickening to you. Too much sex also can, if you overdo it, get to be a bore and a chore, and it never really totally satisfies all human desire, but satisfies only the physical temporarily so that you don't even want any more for awhile till you have the need again.--And so it is with other forms of exercise:--If you've had enough or perhaps even more than necessary, you will soon tire and weary of it. Although some people really like to sleep, you can get enough of that too, until you get bored and weary just of lying in bed, which is one reason the Bible says: "Strength cometh not from the bed!"--Because if you stay in bed too much you'll actually get weak from the lack of the use of you body.--Your strength and muscles and organs will deteriorate.
SEX IS ALSO LIKE BEING VERY THIRSTY: One minute you're dying for a drink, but it doesn't take many drinks to satisfy, after which, unless you've got some kind of perverted taste or inordinate appetite, you don't care for any more. It's also the same way with sweets: Unless you have an inordinate appetite for sweets that has probably been developed through years of misuse and a perverted desire, since the body doesn't need much in the way of sweets, a normal healthy person will not desire much and will very quickly sicken of too much sweets. If I feel a hunger for something a little sweet, it usually only takes a couple bites to satisfy me. One or two bites of candy are usually about all I can take, and one small piece of dessert is usually about all I can stomach. Because if your appetite is normal and you're healthy, that's about all the sweet you normally need.
WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO THE SUBJECT OF PURELY PHYSICAL, SEXUAL GRATIFICATION: Sex is one of the precious and delicate sweets of life, but nevertheless it doesn't take too much to satisfy, because you don't actually need a lot of it. Some people only make love once a night. Most people don't even need it more than two or three times a week. It depends on the capacity of the individual and the individual's potency and virility. Apparently God has made it so that the stronger and healthier and more fit people are, the more they will desire sex, so that it will be the strong, healthy and fit people who will have the most children: strong, healthy, fit children, and not the weakly, sick and subnormal. Besides, the strong can also stand more sex, which is why when you're sick or tired or under some kind of emotional strain or weary or distraught, you're not very desirous of any sexual enterprises. But if you're strong and healthy and have a good responsive mate, you can enjoy a lot of it nearly every night!
SOME COUPLES HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ENJOY SEX NEARLY EVERY NIGHT CLEAR UP INTO THEIR 70'S AND 80'S! My grandfather had a son when he was 65! When one of his students asked him at the age of 85, only a year before he died, what was the normal age for a man to lose his virility and become impotent or unable to enjoy sex he said, "I don't know.--I never have." Men can retain their virility and sexual savagery far into so-called old age and women can even bear children up until the menopause or "change of life", when they cease menstruating periods or making eggs, which occurs as late as the 40's or 50's with most women, and they can still enjoy sex for a good many years afterward. Sometimes women enjoy it even more after the menopause, because they no longer have the false phobia about unwanted childbearing.
BUT WITH SOME WOMEN THE DESIRE TAPERS OFF IN MIDDLE AGE. This is probably why so many men "go astray" in late middle age, because their healthy normal sexual activity has not much lessened, whereas in some women either it's been temporarily lessened by the menopause, or many women's sexual fulfillment is satisfied in their children or grandchildren or in house-keeping or women's club activities or whatnot, and they simply lose interest in sex and are not responsive to their husband's needs and don't realise that their husband is still quite interested, and, if they don't satisfy his interest, he's apt to look elsewhere for satisfaction!--And he'll probably find it, because there seem to be plenty of women who desire it, since the Bible calls it the desire of women! But I think the reason many husbands leave home is because their wife's interest in sex and husband has waned because of being satisfied and fulfilled in their children.
BUT WOE BE UNTO THE WIFE WHO BECOMES MORE INTERESTED IN HER CHILDREN THAN HER HUSBAND!--She may also find her husband is becoming more interested in somebody else than in her! Because, unlike many women, a man's sexual desire is not completely fulfilled in having children, and children are not his primary sexual interest in life as it seems to be with many women. So it is not at all strange to discover that, once a wife's found fulfillment in her children and their activities and care and homemaking, her husband, who is not being satisfied by more responsive sexual activity, is going to be found seeking it elsewhere! Because it seems normal for a man's sexual interests to go on unabated for a good many more years.
THIS MAY BE A QUITE A LOGICAL EXPLANATION OF WHY IN THE ANCIENT AND OLD TESTAMENT TIMES THE MEN KEPT ADDING WIVES to their heavenly harems!--As each wife grew old and satisfied with her children, he sought a new and younger wife who was still interested in sex and in satisfying him, and who still desired to be satisfied by sexual activity. So it was not at all abnormal in those days for a man to have several wives. In fact, it seemed to be the customary thing-and still is in many countries!--And the wives seemed to accept it as the normal course of events as well, without undue objection, they themselves having become too busy with their children and household chores to be able to keep up with their husband's insatiable sexual desires, which may have even become a burden to them and a drain on them on top of all their other physical and emotional responsibilities with their household and children and servants. So that the older wives were happy, apparently, to give to their husbands some of their handmaidens as younger women for new wives. I daresay the husbands were probably happy for these added new blessings as well, as it seems to be part of man's nature to be constantly seeking new adventures on new territories.
AS PAUL SAID OF THE ATHENIANS, "THE PEOPLE SEEK A NEW THING". This rather philandering proclivity of man to discover new means of procreation may actually in some cases have been in the best interests of the race, particular in populating the world by obeying the first commandment to be fruitful and multiply. Polygamy, or multiple wives, was one of the most rapid ways of doing it, because one man is well able to keep quite a few wives supplied with children.--In fact, all the children they can handle! For why should he put the strain and drain on the old models to produce repeated models of the same line when he could create an entire new line with a new model. fresh and young and with greater variety?--That's the truth: It just seems to be man's creative nature to want to explore and delve into new territory and satisfy that childish curiosity with new fields to conquer, to examine, and try, and survey, and seek a variety of response and activity as far as the flesh is concerned. However, most men have found one is all they can handle or afford! So Western countries have made this the rule.
BUT THE WOMAN WHO DESIRES TO HOLD HER MAN HAD BETTER SEEK SOME BETTER WAY OF HOLDING HIM THAN MERE SEXUAL DESIRE and sexual craving and physical excitement. As a young man seeking a wife, my mother once told me not to put the physical features first in my quest, since these are fairly standard equipment with most women and well furnished on most models. But rather, in a woman look for something more than mere flesh and fair face, voluptuous bosoms, sexy hips and pretty legs, because most women were made by the Lord to have all these pleasing assets, with a good deal of variety. But seek something more in a woman than that, she said!
MOST OF ALL SEEK THAT INDEFINABLE THING CALLED PERSONALITY, that sparkle, that thing we used to call "it" back in the '20s.--Seek not only the vivaciousness of the flesh, but the liveliness of the spirit, the fascination of the mind, the irresistibility of her heart and its genuine unselfish love, and the greatness, and magnanimity of her soul, that spiritual part of her--her whole composite personality make up--which, in turn, can only be satisfied by the spiritual in you, and the absorbing interest of your mind, and the warmness of your heart, and the thrill of your soul! The things of this earth can satisfy your body, but God has made you so that your soul or heart or spirit can only be satisfied by the things which are spiritual and the things of the spirit.
THEREFORE WE'RE TOLD TO LOVE (OR WORSHIP) NOT THE WORLD, neither the things that are in the world, such as the love of the flesh, the lust of the eye and the pride of life. For the fashions of this world and the lust thereof shall pass away, He says, but he that doeth the will of God abideth forever! So, He said, set not your affections on things below, but on things above; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are unseen are eternal! He did not say you would not like or enjoy or need or desire, with even His God-given desire, the things of this world and this life, including the lust of the flesh, which is very necessary for certain purposes, particularly for the survival and very existence of the flesh. But you're not to love them, worship or lust after them excessively and intemperately, inordinately, more than is necessary, more than is meet, to the point that you put these things before the greater and higher values and even more essential necessities of the spirit, which are very necessary to the survival and eternal existence of the spiritual man.
FOR IF YOU LOVE THE MATERIAL WORLD MORE THAN THE SPIRITUAL, THEN IT BECOMES A FORM OF WORSHIP of the Creation more than the Creator, and God and His spiritual world refuse to take second place in your affections and your interests or even in the activities of your life. So, He says, thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, all thy mind, all thy strength and all thy soul, and thy neighbour as thyself. He says these are the first and greatest of all the commandments in importance, and that you shall have no other Gods before Him, for He is a jealous God, and He desires your love and for you to love Him first of all, above all, and seek first His Kingdom! But then if you do, He's happy to add all these other things unto you, including every desire of your desirous little heart--as long as you delight yourself in Him!
HE'S ALWAYS GIVEN ME EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE WANTED THAT WAS GOOD FOR ME OR NOT HARMFUL, including good health, enough to eat, usually sufficient rest, lots of enjoyable exercise, and plenty of sexual fun, travel, people, pleasant sights and sounds, music, beauty, wine, women and song, and all the affection and love I could possibly stand--and I can stand a lot!--Because I have a lot! So He puts those around me who also need a lot and can take it and enjoy it too! He usually supplies all my need according to His riches in glory, including even a fairly convenient, safe and comfortable place to live, whether it be a tent or a cottage, it's usually sufficient for my needs and secure enough to serve Him, because my greatest desire and lifelong delight has been to please Him and try to make others happy!
SO THEREFORE HE'S GIVEN ME THE GREATEST BLESSINGS ANY MAN CAN ASK FOR: More wonderful loving good and happy helpful companions and children than any other man on the face of the earth!--And if I hadn't already known this, He's even told me so, so I'd be sure and not forget it, and I'd be sure to give Him the glory! He's said that I'm most blessed of all men on the face of the earth, and I believe it and I know it, because I have you, my precious children in the Lord, as well as my own flesh and blood children, who bring joy and satisfaction to my heart and soul and a feeling of tremendous accomplishment and sublime fulfillment in life! I sometimes feel I could depart at any moment in peace and contentment and complete satisfaction for mine eyes have not only seen the glory of the Lord, but the fulfillment of virtually every desire of my heart, as well as even of my flesh!
BUT IF YOU PUT THESE DESIRES OF THE FLESH FIRST ABOVE GOD AND OTHERS and the needs of your spirit, then you'll find that nothing ever satisfies, not even the most total indulgence in the flesh! You will become as the world-famed poet, Lord Byron, when he despaired at the height of his fame with these words: "I've drunk of every fount of pleasure and quaffed every cup of fame, yet, alas. I die of thirst!" For the things of this earth can only satisfy your body, but only God and His true love can ever fill that aching spiritual void of your heart which He created for Himself alone! For true happiness comes not in your personal pursuit for selfish pleasure and satisfaction, but in finding God and giving His life to others and bringing them happiness! Then happiness pursues and overtakes and overwhelms you, personally, without even seeking it for yourself!
SO THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO SEEKS ONLY FLESHLY GRATIFICATION, OR TO MERELY GRATIFY THE FLESH OF THE MATE ALONE, WILL NEVER FIND COMPLETE SATISFACTION AND HAPPINESS or be able to make themselves completely happy. You must give, and it shall be given unto you. Love begets love. I knew a woman once who was always seeking a new lover, a new love, but never finding one that satisfied or lasted, because she was always seeking to get love, to receive love, to be loved. So when I suggested to her that perhaps she needed to learn how to give love, and to love unselfishly for the benefit and happiness of another, after years of searching, this struck her as an entirely new thought that had never occurred to her before! She went out soon and found what she was looking for all the time by trying to find someone who she could make happy by giving her love to them.
SO MAYBE THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU:--YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.--Maybe you need to look for someone to make them happy, and then happiness will find you! For whatsoever a man soweth that shall he also reap. It's just one of God's rules and laws of the spirit--just as definite and certain as some of the scientific laws of physics, such as gravity. The laws of the spirit, however, never fail! They always work--either for you or against you, according to how you obey them, and whether or not you obey them.--And the first law is the law of love--unselfish love--love for Him and others. If you will obey that one and give that love which is His and their due, so shall ye also receive, for with what measure ye mete unto other men's bosoms, so shall they also mete unto your bosom.
THIS IS WHY SO MANY LOVE ME, BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM--really love them, and really would prefer their happiness to my own, their enjoyment to my own, their fulfilment to my own, their comfort to my own, their satisfaction to my own, their safety to my own, their pleasure to my own. Because I really enjoy seeing others happy, and I enjoy most of all making them happy, for that is my happiness--and it could be yours! Life, liberty and the giving of happiness to others: these are things that only God can give, and the only things that will ever satisfy your spirit! So if you want to be happy and make a mate happy, seek the satisfaction of the spirit in both of you in God! For the fashion of this world passeth away and the lust thereof, but he [and the love] that doeth the Will of God abideth forever!"--(1Cor.7:31 and 1Jn.2:17.)
--LONG LIVE LOVE!
--LOVE ONE ANOTHER!
Love is God!--God is Love!
I Love You!--Love,--Your MO.
My name is James Arendt. I was raised in the Hegewisch neighborhood on the southeast side of Chicago, Illinois, served in the USAF from 1970 to 1974, and became a full-time missionary for Christ living 40 years in Japan, 3.5 years in Russia, and a few months in other countries such as Finland, Poland, Estonia, Latvia, South Korea, Taiwan and mainland China where I also served the King of Kings, Jesus, as an Ambassador for His Kingdom.
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