IT MAY SURPRISE YOU TO KNOW THAT GOD LIKES YOU HIS CHILDREN TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES within His will! I know you delight yourself in the Lord most of all and want to do His will. But when we do, it is His delight to also give us the desires of our own hearts, because He's the one who puts them there when we're pleasing Him! If we love the Lord with all our hearts, these personal desires are usually the right ones, because we only want to please Him. So your personal desire in the matter has a great deal to do with God's will. He gives us what we want and have faith for!
BUT AS MY MOTHER USED TO SAY, "WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T!" For as His Word says, "Whatsoever is not of faith is sin." However, if you're truly convinced in your own heart that a thing is God's will, you should do it, no matter what anybody says! But if you're convinced in your own heart that it is not God's will, you should not do it, no matter what anybody says! But if you're not sure and do not know for sure, and have not yet made certain that a thing is God's will then the best thing to do, of course, in the case of uncertainty, is to wait on the Lord until He reveals it to you one way or the other.
IN THE MEANTIME, DON'T LET ANYBODY ELSE TELL YOU THAT IT IS OF THE LORD AND OKAY TO GO AHEAD, or that it is His will that you do so, if He has not said so. Just say you're waiting on the Lord to know His will. Anything is possible, for with God nothing is impossible, for all things are possible to him that believeth. However you must be personally sure and not be merely swayed by others. It must be your own personal desire from the Lord, in which case it would be of God. However even if such should be the case, there could be many obstacles yet to hurdle, as you well know.
TIME IS THE GREAT TESTER, so I'd certainly advise you to wait until you're sure of your own mind and heart and God's will. As Paul says in that same 14th Chapter of Romans: "Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind." And I know He will show you. I do not believe in doing such things merely out of duty alone, particularly in the affairs of the heart, where there must be a great deal of genuine love, personal love, as well as love for God's work, and not just a sense of duty. If it's God's will, He gives us this kind of love, real love. But without such love it could only bring heartache, and many people could get hurt, including yourself! But if it is real love, God's love, it will survive anything. Meanwhile, I would wait on the Lord until you're sure!
IN CHOOSING A MATE, God knows they may need help, a helper companion, comforter, encourager, inspirerer, and example--the kind of genuine helpmeet that every leader needs and God designs for His Own. It could be possible that you have both found the will of God in the first place, considering how things have turned out. But if not, it is possible that you both may miss it due to the ill advise and mistakes of others or one of you. Or if you do not really love each other you may be only making another and greater mistake to marry!
TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT, but neither do two rights make a wrong, so it must be up to you personally to make your own choice. Just be sure you do not let it be made for you by someone else. For both I and the Lord love you very dearly as one of my own children in the Lord, and I would not want you to be hurt. The one in question may be a hard taskmaster and might not be easy to live with unless you love them greatly. But if you do, nothing short of this will ever satisfy you, if this is God's will. But you personally must make the choice, and the decision is up to you and you alone. No one else can make it for you, not even God!
THIS IS ONE OF THE MYSTERIES OF HIS WILL AND HIS PLAN: That He hath bestowed upon each of us the immortal majesty of personal choice to do either good or evil!--And strange as it may seem to some, it even pleases the Lord to give us our personal choice between several alternative goods, all within His will, if it is our personal desire, even as we would our own children in letting them pick out their own personal choice of a toy, or an outing, or a pleasure, as long as it is safe and good for them. This is one thing people don't seem to understand about God: He really likes to give us our choice, even as we do our own children, as long as it is not something bad for us, or bad for others.
IF YOUR CHOICE HAS CERTAINLY NOT SEEMED TO WORK OUT WELL, IT COULD BE THAT YOU MADE A MISTAKE at that time and let others choose for you. Don't let that happen again. This time, make your own choice. God will give you whatever you want that's good for you, because He loves you, and "No good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly." If it is good for you and those involved, He will be more than glad to give it to you.--Although sometimes He gives us the desires of our heart but sends leanness to our souls just to teach us a lesson and to show us that we made a foolish choice.
SO, CONTRARY TO POPULAR OPINION, GOD DOES NOT USUALLY CHOOSE FOR US!--We have to choose for ourselves, find His will for ourselves, seek Him diligently to know His will, and to know what is best for us and others through our knowledge of His Word and personal experience. This is why He put us here, this is what we're here to learn, and the major part of our training: How to make the right decisions through our personal contact with Him, our knowledge of His Word and His will, and our love for Him others. We must do what we know is right, and be willing to live and to die for what we know is the truth!
BUT AS HE SAYS, "LET EVERY MAN BE FULLY PERSUADED IN HIS OWN MIND." Be sure you're right, and you know you're right.--Then go ahead and do what you know is right, no matter what anybody says, and not because anyone has said it, but because you yourself are personally convinced it's God's will, have established it in the mouth of many witnesses, and confirmed it through many leadings, signs and other fruits and evidences, as indicated in the lesson "How to Find the Will of God" . Study it. Follow it. It is His guiding Word to you to help you know what's best. He likes you to seek it out and find it, so you yourself will know it's right when you do it without a doubt!
UNTIL THEN, DON'T! AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL IN DOUBT, DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE PERSUADED YOU one way or the other.
Think of your own children or family. Think how you love them, and how you like to make them happy, as well as keep them safe and healthy, as long as they love you and delight themselves in obedience to your word, even giving them the choice of many things that are good for them.--And remember that God is like that with you! That's what He wants you to do and to have, to give you the desires of your heart, as long as you delight yourself in Him! But they must be the desires of your heart and not merely someone else's--your choice and not only another's.
THE DOOR IS NOW OPEN!--WALK IN where you will, by your own free and loving choice!--It is His delight to give it to you! Fear not, little one, it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom!